Killing Us Softly
"The more things change, the more things stay the same."
'Killing Us Softly' is a video about how advertisements and the media portray women like they're objects. The woman speaker , Jean Kilbourune, explained that the way the women are placed and what they're wearing and whether they are smiling or not in these advertisements, are all done strategically and nothing is a coincidence. A woman covering her eyes, her lips, her nose, her face, are all ways that the media shows how woman are being oppressed by trying to send the message that woman are “passive” and that they have less “power” than men.
In this picture to the left the man is saying “The harder a Wife works the cuter she looks” and at the bottom saying “honey you seem to thrive on cooking, cleaning and dusting while I’m all tuckered out by closing time…”. The husband, the MAN in the advertisement is looking DOWN at his wife and the woman is looking UP at him, adoringly, smiling, letting him hold her how he wants and keeping her hands in a downward position, as if to not show any signs of disrespect. This is exactly what Kilbourne was describing about how these ads show male dominance and how woman are portrayed as objects. The husband is looking at her as a “cute” thing because she manages to cook, clean and dust and still look “pretty”.
Before seeing this video, I wouldn’t have been able to decipher all of these things because I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. To me, it would have just been a man telling his wife she looks cute while doing all the work of a housewife and her replying that it was due to the vitamins she was taking. Ever since I saw this video I find myself looking at ads on the train and I never noticed how much woman are portrayed as weak.
I think it is also important to point out that the media plays a huge role on how woman view themselves and their bodies. We think that “skinny” is the way to be when in fact, it’s just how media makes these women’s bodies out to be. A line that stuck out to me the most in this video was when the Kilbourne said, “…a body type that doesn’t exist, but the only one we ever see.” And it’s so true! We only see skinny models that have flawless faces and it makes no sense because they’re airbrushed and twisted into poses to make them “look skinny” and then those pictures are edited and then reedited to be “perfect”. So no one in the world can ever look like them! But yet those are standards that women have to live up to, to be considered “pretty” or “beautiful”.
A Call to Men is a video in which a man speaker, Tony Porter, talked about his views on how men are raised to think and act in our society. He grew up in New York City and he explains how he grew up and had to know that men are supposed to be tall, strong, dominant, in-charge, leaders, show no fear, show no emotion, heterosexual and to think that men are superior which means that women are inferior. He said that men are taught to think that women are objects (especially sexual objects) and that they have to live up to these standards of“THE MAN BOX”. This “man box” is what defines “manhood”. He shared stories of him growing up and his own experiences of trying to stick with the rules of the“man box”.
What stuck out to me is the story that he told about his own children. He has a daughter and a son and they’re 15 months apart, so they’re very close in age. Whenever his daughter cries, he allows her to cry and to cuddle into him and he baby’s her. But when his son cries he allows him 30 seconds before he starts yelling at his son to “why you crying? Look at me. Tell me what’s wrong. Why you crying? Just go to your room, get yourself together and come back to talk to me, like a MAN.” He realized that he was already building his son into these societal guidelines of being a “man”.
I think that this video showed a perfect example of how parents are agents of socialization; people or groups that teach us about our culture and how things are. In this case, Tony Parker, who is the father of a 5-year old little boy, is already teaching him how society says that men should act. That boys and men shouldn’t cry and that they need to be able to speak, that crying isn’t an option, it’s a sign of weakness.
This picture is an example of how boys and girls are learned to be socialized in ur society, the fact that girls wear pink and boys wear blue. I am not sure who and why this "rule" was even made up but i remember growing up and never liking the color blue because that "was for boys". Till this day people in my family tell my niece that blue shouldn't be her favorite color because blue "is for boys". The fact that she doesn't like the color pink and that she likes "boy sneakers" and she likes playing sports rather then going to the hair salon makes her a "tomboy" and we tell her to stop being so "boyish". I have realized now that we tell her all these things because this is what our society has decided what the norm is and the norm is that girls wear pink and that boys wear blue and if a boy wears pink he's "feminine" ar "gay" and if a girl wears blue than she's a "tomboy" or she's "gay". We teach others that both genders can wear "neutral" colors like green, beige, yellow, mustard, black, orange. But pink on boys and blue on girls?! Oh no no, the HORROR!! This is why I wrote in purple for the video where a woman spoke and in blue for the video where a man spoke.
"Parents' Socialization of Children", written by Terri Heath, was an interesting article to me because it made me realize that different types of parenting techniques actually do effect the way a child turns into an adult and how those children will eventually have children and raise their them the way they were brought up. There were three main types of parenting styles that had a profound effect on the children being raised by this specific type of parent.
The first was the authoritative parents. They are firm in what they say and the rules they set up, but they’re nice and caring in the way that they set up the rules. They explain the reasons for why things are and their actions, and they encourage their child to talk to them and discuss what’s bothering them. They use their power as parents to get their child to do what they want them to do without looking mean. The child raised under this parenting style is usually self-reliant, confident, cheerful and happy and cooperate with adults and are friendly with other people. They’re able to communicate well with others.
The second was the permissiveparents. These type of parents avoid supervision and set up rules that are lower than their children’s capabilities or by not setting up rules at all. They talk to their children about family matters only and ignore all of their child’s needs. Their children are usually aggressive, aimless and lack self-control and confidence and are noncompliant with adults.
The third type of parenting style was the authoritarian parents. These types of parents demanded obedience and when it wasn’t given their child were “punished”. They placed many rules and restrictions in their households and do not allow any compromising. Whatever they said is what went. Their children are usually fearful, moody, unhappy and are less likely to be able to deal with stressful situations.
The article also described how different childrearing styles are all over the world. In China, for example, the parents leave their children in daycares for long hours of the day and only spend a little bit of time with them at home. In U.S. culture that is looked at wrong. But the children of these parents were usually more sociable and friendly and made friends fast. These parents are more powerful socialization agents because they allow this type of socialization to be a part of their children’s socialization process.
“The Retro Wife”, written by Lisa Miller is an article about feminism and whether it is still important. She argued two different sides of women who play roles in this world. The woman who is a stay-at-home mother and only the husband is bringing in the money and the woman who works for a living and still has time to raise her children and keep a clean home. She also brings up the view of feminism and whether or not it is important anymore. She interviews a woman named Kelly Makino, who graduated from college magna cum laude and got a degree from Penn State University and then at age 33 all her years of college meant nothing because she decided that “every household needs one primary caretaker, that woman are better at that job than men and no amount of professional success could console her if she felt her two young children were not being looked after the right way”. Kelly argues that “women are more patient and ‘keep it together’ better than men can”. This is the feminist point of view. Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer, refused to label herself as feminist because she “believes feminism has become a negative word now” and Marissa, went to college, worked at Google, got pregnant and still became a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
I think that these two views is an argument that is going on every day in today’s society. There are women that think that they shouldn’t work because they have to “take care” of the children and then there are women that think that they have to work because they have to help their families. I, personally, was raised in a single-parent household, with my mother being the primary caretaker of 3 girls, so in my eyes, working is a MUST. My mother worked till the week before she gave birth to both of my sisters and me and because of her determination, I have been working since I was 15. And my mother has a bachelor’s degree from Brooklyn College! In my family, we also believe in day cares! These stay-at-home mothers believe in not putting their children in day cares but then their lack children lack social skills. I think that day care is important because children learn how to socialize and talk to one another at a young age. It may also be that my mother could not afford to not work after the 3 month maternity leave period that her job gave her, but my sisters and I were all put into day cares at three months old. My oldest sister, who is 37 now, and is also graduating with her bachelor’s degree this May, has 3 children and best believe my niece and both my nephews were in daycares at 3 month old because she is also a single mother and can’t afford to be out of work for longer than that.
I personally can never be a stay-at-home mother. I just cannot mentally and emotionally ever depend on a man, as the person who brings in the income, to raise my family. If I am unhappy with him, I would never be able to just take my children and leave, because I depend on him financially. That is why I am going to school and getting my education and going for my career so that by 27 I can have it already established. Have a child somewhere around 30-33 and then keep my career pushing!
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